In the midst of everything else going on this week, our little Mercy woke up crying and convulsing in pain last night. It didn’t take long to realize that whatever bug she has had the last two weeks had evolved into an ear infection, and so she and her daddy made the middle of the night trip to the ER which in L.A. is no small thing. It is always a gamble which hospital to try: do you want the five hour wait or the ten…? We are scheduled to fly to Denver early Friday morning and I am worried for how this may affect her, though her pediatrician feels like we should be able to go ahead with the trip.

I am weary from the weight of this week. Today I broke a mug, burned up a spoon, and cooked the meat I was trying to defrost for dinner. Add to that the blue crayon that is now all over the carpet in my dining room, Aaron’s decision to soak his entire body in Simple Green, and the ants who have invaded the bathroom now, and the result was not the greatest of days. Meanwhile my friends who I love are suffering, and, as Mercy said so eloquently the other day: “My heart is hurting and making me want to cry.”

I am reminded of Pastor Henry’s exhortation to us on our wedding day about struggling. And I am reminded that we are not promised a life free from chaos, disruption, and pain. And yet when those things come, how betrayed I can feel. I confess that I can too quickly feel entitled to the pleasant, the happy, the secure. And while our life is rich with so many of those things, the shadowy days come and it is then that my faith and patience and capacity for love and generosity are tested. It is easy to give in times of comfort and stability. It is much more difficult to give from a place of scarcity or exhaustion. These are the “dipstick moments” when our hearts are revealed for what they are.


  1. “…when our hearts are revealed for what they are.”
    Amen, that is the real us.
    It’s easy to say, in times of difficulty, “Sorry I acted that way. I don’t know what came over me.” But in reality, we should be saying, “Sorry I acted that way. Now you know the real me.”

    Appreciate your honesty here, dear sister.
    Keep writing.


  2. Dear sister,
    I’m praying that today is brand new for you. That you feel your saviour’s presence even in the midst of all this chaos and weariness. You are loved.

  3. I am so sympathetic … On a like-sounding day, I managed to create a pesky carpet stain too and had great success with an all-natural, organic cleaner. I just ordered a bottle to be sent to your house, so can you perhaps put at least the blue crayon out of mind for now and know that reinforcements are arriving. The logistics always get me down too. (And p.s. feel better, little Mercy)

  4. did someone say denver? any possibility that pattytruck and the new fiance could see the haub family…it’s only a little 45 min. drive and i’d be more than happy to make it…

  5. when our hearts are revealed for what they are.

    I mentioned this very thing to Glen as we’re experiencing a week of upheaval – floors being refinished, painting, moving large piece of furniture from room to room, kids are under the weather and acting up. I believe his response to me was something like “shut up.” LOL

    In all seriousness, I’m praying that God will be merciful in your weariness. You are not alone. 🙂

  6. Dumb mom moment here–but just thought might help the next time little one has an earache a few days before flying somewhere.

    1 drop of fresh lemon juice will often do the trick, eliminate ear infection pain, ease swelling and redness and get baby girl through the night until a regular-hour doctor visit is possible…

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