Friends


Culture and South Central and Friends11 Jul 2008 09:17 am

Lauren came over yesterday evening to help me with bedtime for the boys while Doug ran Mercy to our pediatrician’s office with a suspected ear infection (this was the first time that Mercy informed us of an ear-ache BEFORE 2am so we were grateful). Lauren was getting ready to run to the corner store with the baby to buy drinks for my new members class I was teaching last night when she said to me: “Hey, guess who was at VeggieSoul today?”

VeggieSoul is, as the name indicates, a vegetarian Soul Food joint, and it occupies the other half of the storefront where our tutoring program is located.

I could not fathom who Lauren could be talking about. Our neighborhood is not known for frequent star sightings. “Who?” I asked.

“Stevie Wonder.”

Apparently one of the summer interns spotted him and called the others to the door where they crowded around to see him and a buddy grab some food and take off in a shiny SUV. He lives in L.A. and Doug told me that his studio is a few blocks to the north of us in Koreatown.

Stevie Wonder at VeggieSoul. Awesome.

Church and Faith and Friends10 Jul 2008 02:37 pm

I once heard someone say that there is no such thing as “a sense of ownership”. That resonates with me as I think through all of the times I have seen a group with power create the image or illusion that that power is shared when the reality is that it is not. Put plainly, a “sense of ownership” is just that: the illusion of being a stakeholder.

The other night, I was at a meeting to evaluate a recent week-long ministry project we had done in partnership with Pasadena Covenant Church. Three youth from our church who had volunteered during the week showed up for the meeting (I was not expecting them), and each one actively shared their thoughts, concerns, and suggestions for what went well and what could be changed or improved for next year.

Our good friend and board chair was the facilitator of the meeting, and I so appreciated how he received these youth and their ideas. I have been in enough meetings where the leader is very obviously humoring some participant and not really taking seriously what they have to say, and that was not remotely our friend’s approach. He made sure that space was made for their comments; he listened intently and asked follow-up questions; he complimented them for their insights. They were never rushed; he never grew impatient or “accidentally” looked over their waving hands; they were treated with honor.

That meeting was a good reminder for me of the kind of listener and leader I want to be. I can be tempted by impatience, and as much as I say that I am not an “efficiency” person, I can be tempted there too.

I am reminded of the story Henri Nouwen tells at the beginning and end of his tiny book, In the Name of Jesus. It is the story of him being convicted by Jesus’ practice of sending out the disciples in two’s and thus making the decision to travel to deliver the series of lectures that became this book with Bill, one of the disabled members of his community. Nouwen shares honestly about the limitations in his imagination of what “doing it together” could really mean in this situation, and poignantly about Bill’s own sense of partnership with him in his work. The conclusion of the story always leaves me in tears: the vision of Nouwen standing before a prestigious gathering, Bill at his side, taking each page of Nouwen’s lecture as he would finish, and interjecting occasionally with a thought or comment to add to Nouwen’s powerful words.

Nouwen concludes the story with this thought: “Then I realized the full truth of Jesus’ words, ‘Where two or three meet in my Name, I am among them’ (Matthew 18:19). In the past, I had always given lectures, sermons, addresses, and speeches by myself. Often I had wondered how much of what I had said would be remembered. Now it dawned on me that most likely much of what I said would not be long remembered, but that Bill and I doing it together would not easily be forgotten.”

Culture and Church and Friends08 Jul 2008 11:09 pm

This past Sunday I was a guest preacher at a church in Simi Valley which is something I actually enjoy doing. I was nervous about the length of my sermon (sermons at our church are at least forty-five minutes) and did end up cutting quite a bit from what I had planned to say. My good friend who is the pastor there kept telling me not to worry about going over, but I just really didn’t want to be that guest preacher who goes way too long (especially on a hot summer morning).

At the conclusion of the service, my friend hustled us out a side door so that we could position ourselves at the exit so as to greet the church members as they left the sanctuary. I told Bruce that I felt a bit like I was at a wedding (though Doug and I did not have a receiving line, so really I didn’t know what I was talking about!), but it was great to meet so many wonderful folks from this church family.

My favorite comment of the morning came from an elderly gentleman who, by my account, was probably the oldest person there. He said to me: “There are three things I appreciated about you this morning….”

I honestly don’t remember the first two things that he said because the third was so amusing. “Usually when the women preach, I just can’t understand what they are saying. They run their words together and have these soft voices and I just can’t follow what they are saying. But you spoke and it was loud and clear and I could hear all of your words, so thank you.”

I laughed and thanked him and told him that yes, I do have a bigger voice than some, and I was glad my words had been clear enough for him to follow.

I’m the girl who gets her wireless mic on and the minute I start to speak has some poor sound guy in the back scrambling to adjust me because he clearly expected my voice to be smaller. I’m not sure when I realized that my voice was lower than a lot of other women, or when I figured out that not everyone can project their voice as loudly as I can. I did some drama here and there growing up and certainly that taught me something about the use of my voice. And my freshman year in college I was hired by a radio station to be on the air every Saturday but even then I’m not sure how aware I was that I had a good “voice”.

One funny memory I have is of a gathering at Dick Staub’s house many years ago where I was the only female present for a meeting of the minds around some of Dick’s vision for Christians engaging the culture. I hadn’t spoken up much that morning (I’m not a big talker in groups as I have shared here), and when it was time to break for lunch, Dick asked me if I would pray. I don’t remember there being anything that special about the prayer, but when I finished the room was silent and everyone was staring at me. Because of Dick’s broadcasting gifts we had been discussing some different radio show options, and I think it was Stan Grenz who made some comment about how we wouldn’t have to look very far for a woman who could be on the air with Dick.

It is interesting to consider the ease I have experienced as a preacher and teacher. I wonder about the elderly gentleman’s comment and how much simple genetics have come to play in all of that.

Family and Friends and Los Angeles08 Jul 2008 10:35 am

I got a call yesterday from a good friend who suddenly had two tickets available to see Stevie Wonder at the Hollywood Bowl. We managed to line up childcare (thank you, Lauren!) and we met up with four good friends from the neighborhood and headed out to the show. The traffic and parking were crazy, as they can be at the Hollywood Bowl, and after a long line to have bags checked (no alcohol or bottles were allowed for this show which was disappointing–sipping your wine is simply part of the HB experience, and we had brought a nice bottle of Toasted Head we had planned to enjoy), we made it to our seats right as Stevie began his introduction. We were settled and ready by the first note played.

The show was amazing. He is an incredible performer and the stage was filled with an orchestra, various family members, and all of the energy and passion a performer like him brings to his craft.

It turned out that our seats were in the “Toasted Head” section of another variety: I hadn’t been around that much pot smoke since a Beastie Boys concert in Chicago.

Doug and I realized that it was the first concert we had been to together, ever. That was hard for both of us to believe as we could each rattle off a long list of live performances we have seen over the years, but none that we had seen together.

All in all it was a magical evening: great music, great friends, an incredible venue, an unforgettable show.

Culture and South Central and Family and Friends07 Jul 2008 12:06 pm

The other day I was checking the Homicide Blog when I noticed the banner at the top of the page showed a happy couple enjoying a beautiful sunset in an ad for the Ritz Carlton. What a crazy juxtaposition.

Things have been fairly quiet lately in our neighborhood, though some areas immediately surrounding us have suffered a great deal of violence. Our senior lead officer reported that there was a shooting south of us that resulted in a retaliatory shooting just two blocks form our house. Three people were shot in the head, but remarkably no one was seriously injured. I am not quite sure how that is possible, but I am thankful.

The Fourth was really, really loud, and Aaron was not a fan of “the hitting” as he called the large and frequent explosions around us. It is amazing how loud a string of M-80s can be, especially when you are laying in a toddler bed holding your crying son. We spent the afternoon around the corner with friends, eating good food and drinking some yummy “grown up lemonade” (aka, Mojitos). The kids were in their swimsuits until almost nine o’clock, and Mercy loved the colors and lights of everything form the sparklers to the big showy fireworks from the Coliseum nearby.

The next day I was talking with a neighbor and I found out that some kids who have been back in the neighborhood lately, whom I have enjoyed talking to and spending time with outside lately, pulled a guy out of a car while it was moving and beat him with a baseball bat. At two o’clock in the afternoon. In front of our house.

One of the things that always strikes me is that almost incomprehensible juxtaposition between what childhood and youth should look like and what I see happen around me in the lives of our young people: kids who one moment are throwing water balloons and playing on skateboards and the next, beating someone’s head in with a bat. What kind of raging conflict and confusion they must have inside of them.

I remember a book I read in college about the Henry Horner Housing project in Chicago where I volunteered. It was titled: “There Are no Children Here.” Sometimes that is how I feel, when I hear kids talk about what their lives have been, and when I consider what they have witnessed and absorbed. And yet they do still function as children: they play; they get excited about the ice cream truck; they tease and laugh and flirt. They are still children, but children living beneath shadows of things that seek to rob and kill and destroy. They are surrounded by loud and scary things, and many of them do not have the comfort of someone to hold them while they cry in the dark. But there are children here.

Culture and Church and Faith and Friends and Missional03 Jul 2008 11:04 am

Eugene Cho posted a link to a Relevant Magazine article on materialism where seven Christian leaders respond to the question of how to follow Jesus in an age that worships mammon. Shane Claiborne’s response struck a chord with my own experience of who I care about and why:

What is enough is defined by our relationship to our neighbor—if our neighbor has four cars, then we think we are living simply if we have two cars. If our neighbor doesn’t have water, then two cars is probably too many. We have this command to love our neighbor as ourselves, but I think the great tragedy of our culture is that we are pushed away from suffering, away from poverty to the point that it’s enough if we give a tax-exempt donation or volunteer for a week out of the year. And yet if we’re really in relationship with people who are suffering, that messes with us.

Just last night, I had a conversation with someone who had heard of a ministry need related to Servant Partner’s work in urban slum communities around the world. This individual had felt stirred by God’s spirit, in the context of a relationship, to respond in a way that resources could be freed up to help support a missionary couple in their continued work among the poor. That proximity that Shane describes made the difference in linking this person’s resources with a unique ministry need.

I think about the times I have been made aware of a friend’s need and how natural and easy it is to respond. Those of us with small children here often take care of each other’s kids. When someone is sick, it is a normal thing to offer meals or a trip to the store for Gatorade or medicine. And even when the needs are much greater, we still respond to our friends with generosity and sacrifice.

Just yesterday in the mail I received Whitworth University’s (Doug’s alma mater) alumni magazine that profiled a couple who gave birth to quadruplets this past year and the incredible ways their community of friends from Whitworth have stood by them and joined with them in caring for this generous, but challenging, gift from God. And I think of my own experience of the past year and the ways my community surrounded our family and served us with extraordinary measures of practical care and help. I can also recall situations where we were in deep financial need and friends stepped in with financial gifts that perfectly met our needs. And in smaller measure, Doug and I have done the same for others whose needs have come before us.

I recall the words of a woman writing about her experience in a college ministry that sought to be inclusive of other ethnic groups on campus. She describes the group’s strategies involving special food and music and affinity groupings employed and then says this:
You just need to be a friend - I say.
You don’t need none of that stuff
You’re being fake
–– people always know a fake
——Why don’t you try to just be real
And…Why is it that you have “white only” friends?

But they just kept on with their trying
Cause no one really wants different friends

I like Shane’s point about proximity, and I think I would add to it my friend’s challenge about whether any of us really want different friends.

Church and Friends25 Jun 2008 02:57 pm

I was just checking the news feed on my denomination’s website when I saw a link to this story about my former pastor in Portland being given a denominational honor in recognition for his years of visionary service. Having just mentioned Pastor Henry in my Missional Synchroblog post (as well as President Palmberg who presented Pastor Henry with this award), I thought it fitting to recognize the impact both of these men have had on my life. And as often as people like to tease me about this, I do love the Covenant!

Culture and Church and Family and Faith and Friends and Los Angeles and Missional25 Jun 2008 11:20 am

“The crucifixion was the consequence of the incarnation.”

And so it can also be said that the resurrection was the consequence of the crucifixion (thank you, Patrick), and that too is a necessary theme of “missional” we do well to explore.

Moving from death to life: when I considered how to describe the ways that this has been true for me and for my family, a flood of stories raced through my mind, many of which have been told here before. Stories of how my children have been shaped to consider hospitality and generosity in terms of our home, our money and our food; stories of how my kids understand culture, language and race (in ways that simply could never have been taught from a distance); and story after story of how God is at work removing what is dead and hard inside of me and replacing it with something living.

And when I think of my community at large, I recall the stories of a community bound by fear coming together to stand up against a criminal liquor store owner and battle all the way to City Hall to see prostitution, drug sales and shootings removed from their street corner. I think of homeless, addicted friends walking the slow road to rehabilitation with a community and a God who refuse to let them turn and go back. I remember a black woman who spent the final years of her life with our church and in the process received God’s heart for racial reconciliation and gave all of us an example of what it looks like to be a person of grace.

I recall the story of a first-generation Spanish-speaking mom walking the aisles of our Ralph’s grocery store at ten o’clock at night desperate for someone who could interpret her daughter’s homework assignment (written in English) and help her understand what her daughter needed to do. And I think of how our tutoring program at the end of our street has served so many moms like her. I think of the many, many kids who have been given every help with homework assignments; the parents who have been equipped to better partner with their kids; and the flood of reading buddies who take time off from work and studies to sit and read with little bodies with growing minds, and help inspire a love for learning in them.

As I write this, our pediatrician (who is first and foremost a very dear friend) and two of her four kids are down the street at our tutoring center painting and roofing and helping prepare the place physically for our summer program that begins next week. This is the fourth year that this family has taken a week of “vacation” to live with us and labor at our side, doing morning work projects and afternoon camps for our neighborhood kids. The very fact that these friends from San Marino are here sleeping on our futon and floor, sharing cramped space with three early-rising small ones, and giving every ounce of energy to loving us and our neighbors is a story of that move from death to life.

In fact, I remember the first year this family and the rest of the team from Pasadena Covenant Church came to “dwell among us”, and I will let this story conclude my reflection today.

The first day of the afternoon camps, we were disappointed by the vary small number of kids who showed up and so decided to hit the streets in hope of recruiting more kids to come. The week before the group from Pasadena had arrived, there had been a gang murder that had taken the life of a very prominent gang member in our community. Large red shrines still stood boldly on Adams, nearby to where he had fallen, and we had warned our visiting friends about not wearing red that week, walking away from anyone who was wearing gang colors, and having in general a heightened sense of awareness for their safety. And a few weeks before that, a young girl had been shot in the face while playing basketball, in the same park that we were using to host our sports camp.

As we walked the streets and talked with kids and families, we could feel the fear and tension that our neighbors were living with, and we could understand why many of the parents were afraid to send their kids outside, and especially anywhere near the park.

In spite of these obstacles, we were able to make contact with a whole crew of kids and it wasn’t long before the camps were full and moving at full speed. As I walked down the street with Jamie, a San Marino physician who had come to Vacation to L.A. with her husband and three young children, still looking for any last kids to invite, she suddenly interrupted me and began to pull me toward the other side of the street. I looked up and saw what she had seen: a group of fifteen or twenty men approaching, all dressed entirely in red.

We crossed the street without making eye contact, and moved quickly back toward the park. As we got closer, we saw that, in addition to the volunteers and the kids enjoying their sports camps, large groups of gang members were gathering. The adults present promptly sent the kids and most of the volunteers back to the church, while a few stayed at the park, trying to tear down the equipment we had been using. The park staff, however, having also sighted the gang members, locked the doors of the rec center and refused to open them and let them in.

Over the next few minutes, more than seventy men, dressed literally head to toe in the color red, descended on the park. It turned out the murdered gang member’s funeral had been held that day, and as is custom, the guys needed a place to gather after the funereal.

After that memorable first day, the camps continued to grow and more than seventy kids were ministered to that week in the name of Jesus. That Friday, we sponsored a barbecue in the park for all of the kids who had participated and for their families and we had a blast. I bet there were two hundred of us gathered there in the park that Friday night. And it was strange, but people would be driving by the park in their cars and they would slow down or even stop to stare at this strange group of black folk, white folk, and brown folk, all laughing and eating and talking together.

That night, families who had stayed locked up in their houses came outside and enjoyed dinner with their neighbors. That night, kids who had been scared to step onto the basketball court shot hoops with their new Pasadena friends. That night, relationships were started that have resulted in whole families coming to know Christ and joining our church. That night, the same park that, days before, had been a symbol of death, violence, fear and division became a place of life and light.

“Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.”

When I grow weary from sharing or welcoming or forsaking something for the sake of the kingdom here; when I consider how much safer or easier a church full of people like me would be; when I look around sometimes and all I see are dry bones, I hear Simon Peter ask this and I know that, as much as he failed to see and grasp and follow his Lord through the valley of the shadow of death, he had eyes to see what was ultimately true about his master: in him was life, and life “to the full”.

And so, though he faltered and failed, he followed. And so must we.

Family and Faith and Friends18 Jun 2008 03:17 pm

Sunday was Father’s Day and to celebrate that our church hosted a special brunch an hour before our regular meeting time. I arrived with the kids about twenty minutes after it had started, and Aaron and Mercy raced right in to find their daddy and to search for doughnuts. I had hoped that the baby would fall asleep on our walk there, but he was instead lying in the stroller, with a blanket draped over the canopy, fussing and crying. I knew that he just needed to sleep, so I stayed outside and paced the sidewalk in front of Mack Elementary while Doug and the kiddos celebrated inside.

At some point, a woman came out of the auditorium. She is new to our church and we have spoken a few times in the past weeks. She is warm and gentle and kind to my kids, and we primarily communicate with each other in spanish.

She walked up to me and told me that she would walk the baby so that i could go inside and be with my husband. “No, no,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m fine.” The truth was I was not fine. I was frustrated and tired and was losing patience with my not-sleeping baby.

Again she offered. Again I refused.

She went back inside and I walked and walked, and by the time I made it back in with a sleeping one, there was not a chance to get any food before we started our time of worship, and Doug needed to be up front to lead.

Later I thought about my response to this woman’s offer of help, and why I could not accept it. Looking back I realized that I would have been blessed by the break; by the time with Doug; by the time with my big kids and their doughnuts. And I think she would have been blessed too. And yet I held back, clinging to my own burden, and refusing to let a yoke-fellow enter and ease the weight of my load.

This past week, the kids and I were reading bible stories, and we got to the part where Jesus washes his disciples’ feet. I read the story and did my best to explain to them the significance of having your feet washed, and then I had an idea. “Wait here!” I said, going into the bathroom and wrapping a towel around my waist and filling their play-sink basin with warm, soapy water. I came out and kneeled down beside the futon where they sat and told them we could act out the story.

Instantly, they each drew their feet up underneath them. As much as I pleaded with them and tried to get them excited about acting out the story we had just read, they were resolute in their refusal. They would not let me wash their feet. I was taken aback by their reaction: my kids LOVE pretend-play. How was this so different from me “being the prince“? Was it my identification with Jesus and the connection between this story and his death (we had talked about this)? Were they scared that if I washed their feet I would die?

Eventually I gave up, took off the towel, and dumped the basin into the bathtub. I marveled at their resistance to what I was trying to do, and realized that while I have read and heard and considered the story of Peter’s resistance to Jesus countless times, I never really had any emotional connection to it. But something about the fierce obstinance, fear even, of my two and three-year olds gave me a new picture of what Jesus received from his dear disciple. Like Mercy and Aaron, I can imagine Peter’s wheels turning: “If I let him do this, what does that mean? What are the ramifications of this?”

Servanthood. Sacrifice. Mutuality. Loving others more than we love ourselves. These are the inheritance of those who allow the master to wash them. A purification not to be set apart and kept clean but rather one that leads to more dirt and greater callouses. Amazing.

Is that why I did not let the spanish woman longing to love me push the stroller in my place? We always hear about Peter’s pride, but could it not be as well that to be washed by Jesus is to accept that same mandate: to stoop and serve even the lowest?

I am reminded of Scot McKnight’s foot-washing story in A Community Called Atonement, and the powerful call we all share as followers of a towel and basin King.

Church and Friends and Writing and Los Angeles16 Jun 2008 02:36 pm

I love poetry. Recently I have been reminded of this from a range of sources, and I am enjoying the recovery of this part of who I am.

A few weeks ago, Doug was sitting on the futon piecing together worship songs and powerpoint slides while I sat at my computer trying to find a way out of the slaughterhouse that was our Scrabulous game. I clicked over to my email and found a message from Doug waiting: “read this” was all it said. I scrolled down to find a poem written by a young woman at our church, and discovered a talent and voice I could not resist.

Anyone who has ever walked the streets of our neighborhood at this time of year knows about the purple blanket of Jacaranda flowers that covers June sidewalks. Here is a recent entry on her blog I love:

Jacarandas Bloom

On 8th Street,
where the legless and drug addicted
mumble pleading eyes
for the change in your pocket,

On Raymond Ave,
where teen shotandkilled
sparked retaliation gunfire and prayer,

we fast forward to exhale.

Arthritic fingertips of trees secrete hope:
lavender droplets of ice cream fall
carpeting the sidewalks in bubble wrap.
Our eyes waft skyward to birdsong.

The trees have not forgotten it is Spring.

But perhaps my favorite was her description of a man showing up on her bus with her stolen bike and how she bought it back from him for $20.

I am thankful for the artists I am fortunate to share life with here, and glad to know that the beautiful girl I see on Sundays has a gift like this to share with the world.

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